Think You’ve Got EQ? That Might Be the Problem.
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I’ve always struggled with conventional emotional intelligence advice. Here’s why.
When a social media post says, “Emotional Intelligence is important … you need to build self and social awareness…” it misses one key point:
Emotionally unintelligent people are largely unaware!
In fact, when they read that kind of advice they wrongly assume it’s for everyone else but them. Or worse, they see it as fluff.
But there’s substantial evidence that demonstrates emotional intelligence (EQ) plays a significant role in personal and professional success, well-being, and effective leadership.
EQ accounts for 58% of job performance.
People with high EQ make $29,000 more annually.
Higher EQ makes teams 46% more effective.
Companies focusing on EQ are 22 times more likely to outperform their competitors.
That’s not fluff.
If you want to grow your EQ, just assume you don’t have it.
Here are 5 things you need to know about emotional intelligence including one tip about what to do if you work for an emotionally unintelligent leader:
I.
Being smart isn’t enough.
High IQ doesn’t equal high trust. The assumption “I’m right, so people should follow me” misses the point. Building influence isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about earning followership.
Try this:
Replace “Am I right?” with “Was I helpful?”
II.
Emotional intelligence starts with curiosity.
The moment you assume you’re self-aware… you’ve stopped being curious about how you affect others.
Try this:
Assume you’re missing something. Ask: “What am I not seeing in how I showed up there?”
III.
You can’t grow what you won’t measure.
Feedback is the mirror emotionally intelligent people want. Because they don’t fear what they’ll hear. They use it to evolve.
Try this:
Ask 3 trusted peers: “How do I show up when I’m under stress?” Then listen. No defending. Just learning.
IV.
EQ lives in the space between perspectives.
It’s not about your intent. It’s about their experience. And if your reaction is “they’re just too sensitive,” that’s your cue to dig deeper.
Try this:
Ask more: “What was that experience like for you?”
V.
What if you work for someone emotionally unaware?
You can’t change them. But you can protect yourself. Emotionally unaware leaders can’t regulate their reactions, so their people end up walking on eggshells.
Try this:
Instead of mirroring their tone, anchor your own. “When you raise your voice, it’s hard for me to stay focused. I want to help… can we try again?” It’s not confrontation. It’s clarity. And it’s your shield. (This will work for a myriad of bad behaviors.)
Your Unignorable Move
Don’t assume you’re self-aware. Prove it.
This week, ask 3 people you trust:
“How do I show up when I’m under stress?”
No context. No qualifiers. Just the question. Then listen all the way through.
Your coach,
Chris
P.S. I help leaders and teams build real EQ with an evidence-based toolbox, so they get invited into the rooms that matter. If you’re interested in learning more, let’s chat.
