5 bad things good leaders don’t say.
This week, I’m continuing my series on psychological safety. Here’s a “too long; didn’t read” summary of where we’ve been.
Week 1: psychological safety is when employees are willing to take the interpersonal risk of speaking up about ideas, questions, and concerns. Teams lacking this safety can’t innovate, have high turnover, and are unwilling to give over-and-above effort. More here.
Week 2: the easiest way to measure if your team has psychological safety is conversational turn taking. Higher performing teams have even distribution of contribution by all participants in a meeting. More here.
So, we know what psychological safety is … and we know how to look for it within our team.
Let’s switch gears and talk about you. Specifically, what’s your role in fostering psychological safety and what are the do’s and don’ts?
The most powerful tools you have to signal safety are the words you choose to use. Unfortunately, they’re also the fastest way to erode trust and create a broken team.
Leaders often subscribe to “truisms” they learned in their career. Much like bad parenting hurts children, bad bosses hurt employees with bad philosophies. Many times, we unconsciously repeat those same phrases and philosophies when we become leaders.
Here are 5 bad things good leaders shouldn’t say. I’ll break down why each phrase is bad and provide a recommended path forward.
1. “Don’t bring me problems.” This is the worst of the worst. It completely contradicts the science of psychological safety. People must feel safe to voice their concerns and questions.
Problem-finding is the seed of all innovation. It’s also a gift for some of your employees. That is, they naturally might be integrative thinkers and understand HOW one thing affects other things downstream. You NEED to capture that!
Celebrate problem-finding and give it space. In fact, create public forums (vs. private suggestion boxes) for people to tell you what’s preventing them from doing their best work or blocking their best customer service skills.
2. “Let’s keep our options open.” People want two things from their leader: love and clarity. Nothing is more paralyzing than a leader who hangs out in “maybe land.”
If your team clearly knows your priorities, it helps them discern whether voicing their concerns or questions is worth the effort. If it’s a “maybe” or “let’s keep our options open” priority, employees often withhold feedback thinking there’s a chance the initiative will be shut down on its own.
Be decisive. Give clear yes/no answers when it comes to what people should be focused on. If it’s a “yes,” they realize, “It’s now or never! If I don’t voice my concern, this train is leaving the station.”
3. “I don’t care how it gets done. Just get it done.” Terrible. Dysfunctional behaviors create broken teams. When this phrase is used, employees really hear, “Damn the torpedoes!” And then comes the dysfunction.
Employees need their leader to reinforce collegiality and collaboration. Without those things, trust is eroded … and trust is the foundation of psychological safety.
Simply put, leaders should concern themselves with the HOW as much as the WHAT. That’s what creates repeatability.
4. “I’m busy.” Teams wilt without feedback, clarity, and encouragement. They need their boss’ attention, especially when they’ve been told something is a priority.
Create space for recurring open office hours. It should be a well-published, consistent time block. Otherwise, you risk not hearing about critical mistakes, concerns, or questions because your team has decided, “Oh, I don’t want to interrupt … I know how busy my manager is.”
5. “Yes.” At first glance, this might look like a contradiction to point #2, but it’s not. The context here is about commissioning too many tasks or projects. When leaders are conflict-averse, they tell their boss, customers, or stakeholders “yes” without understanding how it impacts their team.
And when a leader so obviously keeps accepting new work and not doing a pulse check with the team, “Damn the torpedoes,” is implied. (See point #3 above.)
Leaders can counter their impulses with a simple filter. When a new request comes in, they should only say “yes,” if it’s a “hell yes!”
Remember: what’s possible starts and ends with you. Creating the right environment for your team to succeed requires intentionality with the words you choose to use.
Make it a great day!
Chris
