Stop Asking This Question If You Want to Improve
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Imagine this.
You’ve just finished leading a team meeting where you unveiled a new idea, complete with a presentation you’ve been preparing and rehearsing all week.
You click to the final slide. The room goes quiet for a beat. People nod. A few even smile.
When it ends, a weird feeling in your gut says none of it landed. You gather your notes and walk out into the hallway with a trusted colleague who was in the room.
You lean in and ask, “How’d I do?”
They smile and say, “It was good.”
And that’s it.
No specifics. No direction. Nothing you can actually use.
We’ve all been there, collecting polite, past-focused reassurance when what we really needed was future-focused insight.
Harvard research shows why this happens. When you ask for feedback, people tend to judge what already happened. When you ask for advice instead, they shift to imagining what could happen next. The result? You get 56% more ideas and 34% more areas to improve.
So how do you make the shift?
I.
Swap “How did I do?” for “What would you do differently?”
“How did I do?” looks backward and invites politeness. “What would you do differently?” looks forward and invites specifics you can actually use.
👉 Try this: Let them picture themselves in your spot and see what fresh ideas surface.
II.
Ask for “next time” input.
Anchor the conversation to the future you care about, not the past you can’t change.
👉 Try this: “Next time I do this, what’s one move that would make it better?”
III.
Go for one thing, not everything.
People give more thoughtful input when you focus them.
👉 Try this: “If I could only change one thing, what should it be?”
IV.
Make it safe to answer.
When you ask for advice, show you’re ready to hear it. No defensiveness. No explaining it away.
👉 Try this: Nod, say “thank you,” and let it sit before you respond. Any follow up points or questions should be focused on clarifying what you heard, not why you disagree.
V.
Close the loop.
If you use someone’s advice, tell them. That reinforces the behavior and gets you more of it.
👉 Try this: “That suggestion you gave me? I tried it. Here’s what happened.”
Your Unignorable Move
The next time you’re tempted to ask, “How’d I do,” pause. Swap it for a forward-looking question. You’ll get richer ideas, better direction, and a clearer path to your “next time.”
It’s not about proving you were perfect. It’s about showing you’re open to getting better. People want to help with that and they will.
Your coach,
Chris
P.S. I help leaders create environments where people feel safe to share the ideas that really matter. My Leadership Operating System builds trust and draws out forward-focused insight so everyone improves faster. If your team could use more candor and clarity, let’s chat.
