The Science of Wanting the Wrong Things.

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I spent years as a CIO, chasing titles, pay, and recognition thinking they’d be the ultimate happiness jackpot.

But when I finally left to start my own venture, I discovered something I never expected: I was happier… and not for the reasons I thought I would be.

That’s when I learned about “miswanting” — a psychological trap where we think something will make us happy. But it doesn’t.

I first came across the concept in my Science of Well-Being work with Yale. It floored me.

Science shows we often:

• Overestimate how happy something will make us

• Overestimate how long that happiness will last

• Get influenced by cultural pressure to chase the wrong things

And what’s on that “wrong things” list?

High pay. Perfect title. Dream relationship. Fancy stuff.

These might feel good for a moment, but they won’t create lasting fulfillment.

So what does? Here are the five things research says drive real happiness and well-being:

I.

Mindfulness

Focusing on the here and now. Savoring what’s right in front of you instead of living in “I’ll be happy when…” mode.

👉 Try this: Once a day, pause for 60 seconds. Notice five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can feel, two you can smell, and one you can taste. It’s a mental reset button.

II.

Gratitude & Kindness

Being thankful for what you already have and letting that gratitude spill into how you treat others.

👉 Try this: Before bed, jot down three specific things you appreciated today. Bonus points if you tell someone you’re grateful for them.

III.

Social Connection

Relationships are the single strongest predictor of long-term happiness and that includes friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, and strangers. (Yes, even strangers.)

👉 Try this: Intentionally reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. A quick “thinking of you” can rekindle connection.

IV.

Exercise

Just 30 minutes, three days a week. Walking counts. It’s not only good for your body, it’s the #1 intervention for depression.

👉 Try this: Pair movement with connection… invite a friend for a walk-and-talk.

V.

Sleep

7+ hours a night isn’t indulgent, it’s essential. Sleep debt quietly erodes your mood, memory, and health.

👉 Try this: Set an actual bedtime alarm. When it goes off, start winding down like it’s a non-negotiable meeting with yourself.

It’s easy to think that when I started my own venture, more money would be the thing. It wasn’t.

What actually changed my life?

• Doing work I deeply care about

• Feeling connected to a community of leaders who are changing the world

• Having the space to be mindful, give more freely, move my body, and actually sleep

You don’t have to quit your job to have this. But you do have to quiet the “miswanting” monster and focus on the simple things that actually matter.

Your Unignorable Move

What’s one thing you’re chasing that science says won’t make you happy? What would happen if you stopped… and doubled down on what will?

Hit reply and tell me. I read every message.

Your coach,
Chris

P.S. Miswanting loses its grip when we get clear on what truly lights us up. If you want help sorting that out, let’s talk.

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