Unlearning Is a Wildly Underrated Skill
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“I’m not experienced enough to weigh in here.”
That’s the thought that almost stopped Emma from speaking up in a leadership meeting.
She’s young, but seasoned. Ten years of solving hard problems. Still, that limiting belief tried to silence her.
She caught it just in time.
This is what unlearning looks like. It's a wildly underrated skill that separates people who get stuck from people who keep growing.
In Emma’s case, she had a limiting belief that because she was young, she couldn’t add value. So, she was going to mute herself before sharing her ideas.
In other cases, people aren’t as shy as Emma. They do the opposite. They speak up and speak out, but sometimes share outdated thinking or tired beliefs.
These are things they learned from past bosses that they carried forward as if it was the truth.
They use expressions like: “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” Or, “Respect has to be earned, not given.”
Repeating this kind of platitude can be devastating to your career.
When you rely on tired refrains, you signal that your thinking is stuck and unexamined. It makes others question whether you’re acting with intention or just echoing what you’ve heard before.
The way we overcome this is to catch it, challenge it, and change it.
The first step is the hardest, so to help you…
Here are five signs that you’re holding on too tightly:
1. You trust your gut over evidence
The telltale sign of unconscious bias? When you defend your intuition instead of testing it against reality. Your brain’s amygdala is constantly flipping through old memories to make sense of new situations, but it’s responding to stories, not facts.
Try this: Start with your heart, find with your mind. Let intuition spark ideas, but demand evidence before you act.
2. You say “We’ve always done it this way”
This phrase has ugly cousins: “It’s worked fine so far.” “We already tried that.” “Let’s not reinvent the wheel.” When you justify action (or inaction) with familiar logic rather than present relevance, you’re selling the past, not leading the future.
Try this: Catch yourself and ask: Am I arguing for this because it’s truly right, or because it’s familiar, fast, or mine? Familiar might feel convincing, but it rarely moves people to act.
3. You silence yourself with stories
“I’m not an expert.” “Who am I to challenge that?” “They probably already know this.” These thoughts aren’t humility in action. Instead, they’re well-practiced put-downs that make you easier to ignore. You’re opting out before anyone tells you to.
Try this: Challenge the story with evidence. What proof do you have that you’re not experienced enough? Did someone tell you that a decade ago? Does that make it true today? Reframe your goal: you’re not trying to be right, you’re prompting a needed conversation from a new angle.
4. You repeat tired platitudes
When you lean on inherited wisdom without examining whether it’s actually yours, people hear someone else’s voice coming out of your mouth. The disconnect is obvious.
Try this: Find your own words. Replace business bingo with language that reflects your lived experience. Force yourself to answer: What do I believe? Why do I believe it?
5. You think your strengths are enough
Your natural wiring got you this far. But when what you want next requires skills you don’t have such as being more strategic when you’re deeply tactical, or more visible when you’re naturally introverted… you need systems, not just self-talk.
Try this: Build a stronger toolbox. Look at personality feedback or performance reviews. What watch-outs keep coming up? Map out tools that compensate for your weaknesses. Be intentional and proactive about this. Then, when your weakness is being challenged, automatically activate the tool.
Your Unignorable Move
Emma brought her idea back up. It changed the direction of the project.
But here’s what mattered most: she recognized the limiting thought in the moment. Not after the meeting, not on the drive home. Before it ran the show.
You don't need a dramatic wake-up call to unlearn. You just need to catch outdated thinking before it costs you the next room, the next opportunity, or the next version of you.
Because the question isn’t whether you have beliefs that no longer serve you. You do. We all do.
The question is: are you willing to let them go?
This week, catch one limiting thought in real time. Don’t wait. Challenge it with evidence. Then change it… and see what happens next.
Your coach,
Chris
P.S. Want the full Unlearning Playbook (plus the other four behaviors that make you unignorable)? My new book drops soon. Join the waitlist here and you'll be the first to know when it's available. Plus get an exclusive chapter preview that doesn't go to anyone else.
