Catch it. Challenge it. Change it.
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Hello Friend!
The Spark That Broke The Circuit
I was fifteen years old, lying in the grass, staring at the sky. The world had gone white.
Seconds earlier I’d been trying to start my dad’s old Briggs & Stratton lawnmower. The spark plug connector was faulty, so I did what he taught me: touch a screwdriver to the igniter to jump it. Simple enough.
Naturally, I half-assed it.
My hand wasn’t on the insulated handle as he’d warned. I was gripping the metal shaft, inches from the contact point. The moment the screwdriver touched the plug, electricity surged through my hand, up my arm, and into my chest. My muscles seized. The tool flew. And then I was flying too, launched backward off the mower like some Marvel Comics origin story.
When I sat up, a red welt was already forming, a scar I’d carry for weeks. Every time I looked at it, I remembered one thing: there are no shortcuts with electricity.
In under two seconds, I unlearned everything I thought I knew.
Here’s why that story matters.
Getting electrocuted was feedback. Instant. Unmistakable. Impossible to ignore. And it forever changed my relationship with electricity.
That’s the thing about growth. It runs on good feedback. The clearer and more honest the signal, the faster you change.
Now think about the feedback you get at work. There’s no jolt. No scar. No spark plug to hand you the truth in two seconds. You get a nod. A “let’s circle back.” A review once a year.
The Coaching That Molds You
And when feedback does come, let’s be honest: it’s often built to make you easier to manage, not better. A boss coaches you toward what keeps their week running, rarely toward your peak performance or what would be useful to you beyond your current employment. The feedback you need most, about the outdated thinking, beliefs, and approaches, never comes at all.
It’s not just the feedback you’re missing. It requires letting go of things that got you here but can’t get you there.
Create Your Own Mirrors
We’re not just bad at change. We’re bad at stopping.
And the real danger? When you show up with outdated thinking, people notice. It’s like walking around with a bad haircut from the 1980s. Nobody says anything. They just smile, nod, and secretly wonder if you peaked in a previous decade.
Same with your ideas. And they won’t tell you why.
So what do you do when no one’s giving you the feedback you need?
You create your own mirrors. You put yourself in situations where you can see what you normally don’t see.
Here’s the framework I use with my coaching clients and is in my forthcoming book, Unignorable: The Science of Being Taken Seriously. I call it the Unlearning Playbook: Catch it. Challenge it. Change it.
Catch it. Pay attention to the moments when you default to “this has worked for me before.” When you hear yourself defending a position because it’s familiar, not because it’s right. Also notice when assumptions and mantras pour out of your mouth before you’ve fully processed where those ideas came from. That’s your signal.
Challenge it. Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it still true? Is it helping or hurting? Demand evidence with recency. Just because something worked in 2019 doesn’t mean it’s relevant or works in 2026.
Change it. This is where most people stall. Awareness isn’t enough. You have to replace the old belief with something concrete. New language. New behavior. New tools.
Unlearning looks like auditing your defaults. The phrases you repeat, the instincts you defend, the processes you protect. Start with one belief you’ve inherited from a former boss or a past company and ask yourself honestly: Is this mine? Does it still work? The most successful people I’ve coached don’t just learn new playbooks. They retire old ones. In fact, they’re wildly good at unlearning.
That’s the real shift. Good feedback is how you grow, and if the room won’t give it to you, you build the mirrors that will.
Take a minute to reflect on this question: What’s one belief you’ve been protecting because it’s comfortable, not because it still works?
Your coach,
Chris
P.S. Be Good at Unlearning is one of the five behaviors I teach inside the Becoming Unignorable cohort. This is a live coaching program for people who don’t want to be loud, play politics, or self-promote to be taken seriously. The next cohort launches soon. We will go deep into the specific behaviors that change how people experience you, opening up more career opportunities and giving you a personal influence system. There are only 50 seats in this cohort, and they’re going fast!
“This course is life-changing. It opened my eyes to new skills that I’ve never experienced before, and I’m 30+ years into my career.” —Suzy Sandifer, Director of Enterprise Apps
