No more villains!
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Hello Friend!
This morning I was thinking about one of the biggest jerks I’ve ever worked with.
Let’s call him “Chris.”
He was a CTO for a multi-billion-dollar tech company. His colleagues referred to him as “the brilliant jerk.”
I disagreed.
No matter how brilliant or intelligent a person is, it’s completely lost when they behave so badly.
Chris interrupted a lot. Used punitive language when he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Freely hurled insults about his executive peers. Made every conversation about him and how great he is. And he punished people who brought him bad news.
He was the kind of person who projected confidence, but it was a mask for a grossly insecure executive.
(If this seems parallel to political leadership these days, make no mistake… it is.)
His team kept saying something that haunts me to this day. “The villains always seem to get rewarded. So why be polite?”
My response in every case is something I find myself saying more and more these days: Don’t let the assholes make you an asshole.
In my fieldwork, jerks don’t win in the long run. They experience more catastrophic setbacks than the average person, which leads to a lower average tenure. Not to mention, they get less-than-average results, which they gloss over with hero stories about themselves.
More importantly, their reputation catches up to them. And what looks like winning on the outside becomes a sad and disconnected person who becomes more and more isolated. That results in being less marketable and eventually professional decline.
But here’s the most important thing I want you to get from this week’s newsletter: You can be kind AND successful, and it will future-proof your career.
First, let’s explore the opportunity. 50% of the global workforce feels misunderstood. And only 25% strongly agree that their opinions matter at work.
People are starving for the right kind of attention. They want and need people around them who show compassion, curiosity, and concern.
Being uniquely human differentiates us. People begin to trust we understand them. Whether you’re in a leadership role or are an influencer from a single seat, that trust changes how people experience you… and eventually makes you the “go-to person” they can count on.
Remember: when people work with us, they are unconsciously asking themselves: does this person know what they’re talking about? And do I trust them?
The research is very clear that the latter question means much more than the former.
So here are a few things you can start doing now to earn trust and to be the anti-asshole at work:
Don’t React
The first step is to not react to the people who are being jerks. If someone says something rude or disrespectful to you, just pause. Stare at them. And when their rant is over, simply say, “Anything else?”
Where we choose to put our energy is the single most important decision we make every day. Don’t waste it on people undeserving of it. This will reserve more energy for the people who desperately need your humanness.
Be a Serial Wonderer
Showing curiosity is powerful. When people know that you care about their opinions and ideas, walls immediately fall.
So seek it out. Simply asking, “What do you think?” or “What advice would you give me?” opens them up.
Few people feel understood and heard, and this is a simple tactic that changes that reality for them.
Say “Thank You”
Yes, this is common sense. But if you exercise it with uncommon persistence, watch what happens.
Thank people for their feedback. Thank them for sharing their ideas. Thank them for putting in the effort. Thank them for their time.
In many cultures, managers wait for employees to contribute value before they communicate that they are valued. But that equation is wrong. It’s when employees feel valued that they add value.
That principle is the same for your peers or even your boss. They need to hear thank you more often.
Your Unignorable Move
This week, it’s really simple. Don’t be a 🍆. Even if it looks like the villains are winning or being rewarded, they’re not. And if they are, we’re looking at the wrong scorecard.
Your coach,
Chris
P.S. I am hosting an upcoming information session about the next Becoming Unignorable cohort. This is a 6-session program where we go deep on five specific behaviors that change the way people experience us and opens up more career opportunities. You don’t have to be a 🍆, play politics, or self-promote to be taken seriously at work. Email chris@peoplebeforethings.co (not .com) with “I’m in!” and I’ll send you a Zoom link for the info session. August 13th, 12pm ET.
“This course is life-changing. It opened my eyes to new skills that I’ve never experienced before, and I’m 30+ years into my career.” —Suzy Sandifer, Director of Enterprise Apps
